the ugly earring

It’s amazing how, by the stroke of random chance, a person can enter your life. the last couple of years have been brutal (and at the same time rewarding). While the inner mechanism is solid and strong–a loving partner and amazing daughter–the outer peel has waned and dried up. Perhaps its something that many mothers experience at some point in their life: a disconnect from other women.

I try not to blame it on my old girlfriends. After all, those nine months happen for a good reason. It takes time for a pregnant mother to clean out her closets, empty the trash, confess her dirty secrets, and slay those ugly demons before she can give birth. If she does it right– if all her fears and secrets are put to rest– her baby is born pure and free of her mother’s burdens.

It’s a painful bitch. Sorting through the spiderweb of lies and false thoughts, insecurities and surface vanities; and realizing I had spent 1/3 of a lifetime existing  in a meaningless, self indulgent depression. And those who I considered my closest comrades, many of them loved seeing me in that dark despair.  

there is truth in the old saying “misery loves company.” 

So the new mother comes to terms with her past, awakens to an optimistic disposition, and realizes she is better off without the devils of her past. With no common ground to stand on, the memories she no longer identifies with, and a lifestyle she moved away from, there’s little reason to hang on to many of her old relationships.

She puts them in a helium balloon and set it free.

For the first time she experiences a kind of uplifting: her priorities become clear, she rekindles the hopes and dreams she once had, and together, she and lover give birth to a beautiful, healthy girl. She learns to value life and its meaning, her gray hairs and the compassion she never knew existed inside that charred heart of hers.

I met madame fortuna by happenstance. I had admired her artistry for quite a long time but was too shy to contact her with my praises. It wasn’t until I wrote a review about her jewels that I finally had the opportunity to gush my admiration and get to know the real fortuna. Her story is epic, her craft is top notch, and she and hubby are rearing a little one too. Finally, someone to discuss the art of motherhood with! We’ve had a great exchange of tales from weaning, a baby who likes putting beads in his/her mouth, and living life on the other side of the gorge.

Recently, she sent a sneak peek of a custom-made piece she finished for me.

There’s no doubt motherhood reshuffles the cards. These thoughts and memories of my past shed a half light of what could have been, but thankfully, never was.

So what is the meaning of this post, and what am i trying to say?

Perhaps it’s quite simple: the river will deliver the things you need, when you need it.

Or maybe it’s more snake-like in nature.  Something along the lines of shedding the old skin to make room for that new, bejeweled layer, which may come in the form of a madame fortuna necklace!

 that the most fashionable woman in the world could actually incite thoughts of

(photo of carine by way of the sart.)

i was the geeky girl in oversized eyeglasses and white Gitano jeans who ate lunch by herself in the library. always ducking under the radar, listening to mazzy star and writing poems about crawdads.  then, one day, the most popular girl in junior high decided to take me on as her new pet project, which made me a little insecure and excited that somebody might actually like me.

when wendy b tagged theue for the thinking blogger award this morning, i was reminded of this lost feeling. i actually can’t believe that this lovely ossie clark-wearing extraordinaire would think of the ue (much less read the post about the departed eucalyptus ).  

I’m flattered, a little embarrassed, but oh, so excited to share this award with five  blogs that have inspired brain candy, envy and etc.

The ue officially honors these five blogs for the thinking blogger award (read this for instructions on how to claim your prize):

• when losing it in az showed me the secret post that she had penned, i needed her in my life immediately. recently, i experienced a softer side to losing it that gets me all sentimental and mushy inside. i put my dull, lifeless hair in her hands; and guess what? these gray hairs are shining because of her.
• peter and the hare understand my anna ahkmatova crush. and i’m super jealous that the hare found and posted this picture before i did.
• i’ll never get past my minirobot crush. she makes me fashion daring.
• me and boca, we go way back. it’ll always be the case that boca knows how to brown nose professors and write about rats better than i ever will.
• and finally, paxgitmo’s blog that always gets the brain motor moving. plus, i love her famous ducks.

p.s. thank you wendy!

thanks to style bubble we have a new love on our hands.

his name is rowan mersh.

we’d like to send him a handwritten postcard from hong kong.

while listening to roxy music

thoughts of becoming a ballerina

filled this monday afternoon.